While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
