Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
