I just made out with a guy for $7.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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