I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
