how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
