u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
