I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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