her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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