# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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