Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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