she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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