i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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