I'm jealous of your bromance
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
dude. I can hear the air.
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