my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
