normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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