im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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