Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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