just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
whose parrot is this?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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