Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
