Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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