It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
