1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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