so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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