That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
