My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
