Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
