never play flip cup with pint glasses
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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