Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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