DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
