I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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