then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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