So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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