Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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