Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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