3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
