i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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