I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think i have two assholes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
