just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A+ Viking dick
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize