there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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