I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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