the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
