best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
