This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
