You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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