Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
