When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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