why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
