: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
