I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
