Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
