i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
