He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
