Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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