I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
