So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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