please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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