did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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