Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize