drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
