It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
