I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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