I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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