I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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