dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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