4 words: hood of his car
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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