I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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