I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
