how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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