You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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