I think im going to throw up on grandma
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize