i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
